We are highly disciplined according to our own ambitions, but lack it in self restraint.  Loving others, boils down to restraining ourselves and curbing our own ambitions.  It is not that we lose ourselves in order to love, it is that we keep ourselves in check for someone else’s sake.  If we lose sight of the people right in front of us because we are looking at some “other” for ourselves, then the other we obtain will be an illusion because it will lack the fleshiness of true character.  We think we will be happy when, but happiness is true humility and contentment now.  If I take the lowest place, I may lose my selfish ambitions, but I gain the joy of becoming useful.