I don’t know about this writing thing. Don’t know how to find my voice in the public world. Not sure what my niche is. Do I pre-package something to deliver or do I just speak openly like I am now about what’s happening inside my head. Which is more beneficial? It feels disingenuous to prepare a “sermon” so to speak. It feels a little contrived, less real. Less relatable. Yes, anyone can be encouraged by a packaged truth, but life doesn’t happen in packages. Maybe the packages are what fortify the mind to prepare for the life. They just seem less relational. Paul wrote letters to different churches, he didn’t pre-package sermons, did he? And to write a letter he knew who he was speaking to. In the blog world there is no way to really know all the audience. Do I have anything to say to an “audience” in the first place? If I am to have “an audience of One,” should I even be trying to reach anyone with my words? This perplexes me. I really just want to work out on the page what is being worked in me. If other people want to eavesdrop and just happen to get something from it, that’s great, but I don’t think I want to teach or impress. That’s just not my style. Inspiration will only go so far, sooner or later you just have to tackle the nitty gritty. I want to keep tackling the nitty gritty.
Here’s something I’ve been tackling this week…
I want to create a great atmosphere in my home. I want that land flowing with milk and honey in my own family. “If the Lord delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it to us, a land which floweth with milk and honey” – those were Joshua and Calebs words to the Israelites. The Israelites saw giants and themselves as grasshoppers in comparison. Joshua and Caleb saw beautiful land. Healthy land. Stable land. Meat and dessert kind of land. I’ve spent a lifetime seeing the giants. Now, I just want the land. By looking where I want to go and ignoring the giants, I am in control of myself and in turn the atmosphere of my home is controlled. This is important. The kids will go flying all over the place if I am. I can bring them into line by looking where I want to go. I don’t need to go “chasing rabbits” or looking for exotic vacations in my own mind. No need for drama. Just live lightly, look where I am going and ignore the giants. Is ignoring the giants the same as ignoring my feelings? Sometimes. Sometimes the feelings are the giants. However, I don’t want to be afraid of going in and out of the struggles of life. To some extent don’t we have to enter them in order to get through and come out of them? Go through them, not over them. Allow them to wash through us and clean us, not under us where pressure can build and volcanoes erupt. I don’t want to use my mind to escape feelings, but I don’t want my feelings to control me either. Where is the balance? Maybe it’s to bring the mind behind the feelings. Behind them to reign them in if needed or give them slack when needed. To steer them. They can be in front, but my mind guides and controls them. They are a part of me, I am understanding of their needs, but firm with them at the same time. I let them stop for a drink when they are parched and I reign them in when they are over excited.
I believe a good atmosphere in the home is one of His good purposes. It is in the land of holy and blameless in His sight. It does not matter what I look like in comparison to the giants when I think of His good purposes. It is His good purpose to bring me into the land flowing with milk and honey and give it to me. I can stay here, looking at myself and my frailties or I can look toward the promised land, ignore the giants (I’ve got a God who will take care of them) and walk away from this desert. One. Step. At. A. Time.