It came and went, my moment of inspiration.
I can’t go back and grab a past experience as fully as it was known the first time. It has to reach out and grab a hold of me. Or rather, the trap door beneath my feet must open by secret codes only the experience itself knows – and I drop down into a re-live. Often, unexpectedly. Many times, when I wish I wouldn’t. Once there, I go through whatever it is. If I try to climb out and close that trap door back by my own efforts to un-feel it – that door will only open again down the road with a vacuum of force made stronger because I tried to pin it shut.